(2) THE MONSTER WITHIN
Updated: Dec 31, 2021
As soon as I got home I could feel his presence. He wanted to know more about the girl at the coffee shop but I felt no reason to entertain him. He was a disgusting creature and although I was cursed to carry him for a season, I refused to act like I was at peace with the bondage that he produced.
“You know you can’t keep me from her don’t you?”
The familiar tone of his voice was part of his witchcraft. It toyed with my reasoning and made me question my own ability to resist him.
“I‘m just curious about what she wanted.”
That’s how it starts. I answer a few of his questions and before I know it I’m wrestling with him to prevent the next fall. I was sick of it, and him.
“Satan! I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!”
“We both know I’m not Satan. That is unless you’re Satan, which of course would be news to me.”
I should have never said anything to him. That’s all he wanted was to be acknowledged and fed. He needed me to see him as an equal when he’s not. He’s never been. He’s more like a parasite who knows I can’t remove him, I can only subdue him.
“Was I actually wicked? The Bible says there’s no rest for the wicked and I feel like I never sleep.”
I listened to him go on and on about the girl at the coffee shop until I couldn’t take it anymore. I ate some left over beef stroganoff from the night before and then went to bed.
I tried my best for hours to fall asleep but I couldn’t. My mind wouldn’t stop creating images for every thought that he projected. It was maddening. It made me question my own sanity. In fact it made me ask a more definitive question. Was I actually wicked? The Bible says there’s no rest for the wicked and I never sleep.
I could feel that my enemy was pleased with my concern for my soul. He took pleasure in my anguish and seen it as an opportunity to exploit my moment of weakness.
“What if all of this is just in your head? You have no real way of saying it isn’t, which would make me the truest part of this whole experience. Right? You know I’m right don’t you?”
“Maybe you’ll feed today, but I’m positive that you’ll eventually starve in a tomorrow to come.”
I listened to him drone on for several more hours. It was agonizing. I tossed and turned while he pleaded his case. He knew he needed me to give him permission to build the constructs that he petitioned for and his campaign wouldn’t stop until I conceded something.
After several more hours of being bombarded with evil imaginations I decided to just give him a little of what he wanted.
“I don’t remember her name but I did think she was kind of pretty.”
He thanked me as he laughed hysterically. I could feel him gloating silently and it made me want to just get rid of us both. At the same time I knew that really meant getting rid of myself. He was already dying. That’s why he fought so hard for anything that made him feel alive. As his laughter subsided, and the intensity of his energy began to calm, I felt the need to leave him with a parting shot.
“Maybe you’ll feed today, but I’m positive that you’ll eventually starve in a tomorrow to come.”
“You think so?”
“Im sure of it.”
I expected him to continue responding but he didn’t. I took his silence for some type of dramatic effect and figured his verbal abuse would pick back up after a few minutes.
I waited for an hour or so before accepting that he was really done harassing me for the moment. With the battle on pause, I repositioned myself in my bed and took the opportunity to get some sleep. That was until I realized that I was receiving another vision. Which meant that sleep had to wait. I needed to get up and write.