Updated: Jan 24
I awoke to the sounds of absolute anguish. The room was spinning and my mind was struggling to process the experience. It was unreal but it was happening. Or was I asleep? I could feel my body trembling as my breathing became more and more sporadic.
I quickly took a few deep breathes while scanning the room. That’s when I realized that I couldn’t have been awake. I wasn’t in my room and the movements of the creatures around me couldn’t have been from my dimension. These entities were in turmoil and for some reason I had been summoned into their space.
Instinct told me to start praying but fear wouldn’t let me. It gripped my soul like it was trying to choke the life out of it. I began to breathe faster and faster until I could feel my pulse throbbing in my neck. I told myself to wake up but I couldn’t. I thought I should get up and run but to where? I wanted to cry out for help but to who? I was terrified and oblivious as to how I could escape the situation.
“You can’t escape it. This space is your creation, and all that exists within it is an extension of you.”
“I can’t give in. Even if what he’s saying is true.”
I knew that bastard was responsible for my being here. He wasn’t satisfied with tormenting my thoughts, he also had to infiltrate my dreams.
“I’ve infiltrated nothing. Your thoughts are my thoughts. Just as your dreams are mine as well. We are one. You reject this truth in order to believe the lie of your being special.”
For the first time his words were penetrating my heart. He was starting to make me question my identity and how it was formed. Wait! WAIT! I cant give in. Even if what he’s saying is true. All it means is he’s aware of my existence and I’m aware of his. Knowing this changes nothing. We are at war with one another.
“AND YOU CANT WIN!”
“As he spoke I envisioned the version of me that he was so eager to exalt.”
His words seemed to echo endlessly as the room began to change. I could feel myself getting warmer as the air began to dry and become saturated with the smell of death. Knowing that he was the cause of this chaos gave me a little peace. At least I knew who the actual enemy was. However, fear still dominated the atmosphere and I had yet to come up with a solution to change that.
“That’s because there is no solution other than to embrace it. I am you and you are me. What is there to fear once this is accepted? You think I am something evil because you’ve been told that. You think you are something special because you’ve embraced the things that others have said about you and how important they believe your life is.”
As he spoke, I envisioned the version of me that he was so eager to exalt. The version that was lawless and without remorse for any hurt or harm that he caused others. The one that could extinguish the flame without concern for how doing so would impact the universe itself.
That‘s when I saw the energy within that version of self trying to enter in. At first I felt terror as it scratched at the door and howled like a beast. Then, I felt thankful. I was thankful because I could both see and feel that it wasn’t me. What he was projecting into our collective space was a creation that he was trying to manifest. It wasn’t organically me, and because it wasn’t, even if it overcame me for a season, it would never be able to possess me forever. Not as long as I continued to believe in love.
“I will never serve a king that’s already lost his kingdom.”
As I watched the creature trying to enter, I thought to calm myself and believe it into a different space. I slowly closed my eyes and began to imagine the version of self that I believed to be the truest. As the image became clearer, the fear and torment that I was feeling began to fade. I knew that I was on the verge of victory and understood that with one final decision the current battle would be won.
“And what decision might that be?”
I refused to respond to his energy and that was the final decision. Instantly I was taken into a different space. It was quiet and peaceful. As I stood there completely aware of myself, I knew something had changed. I was still surrounded by darkness, but now I was also protected by the light.
I felt as if I had been in this space all my life. It was like I had been standing in that same exact spot waiting to move in one direction or the other. As I thought about it I asked myself a question, I had to decide who I was going to serve once and for all. It was at that very moment that I knew I could never whole heartedly serve a king that’s already prostituted his kingdom.
As soon as I accepted that confession as absolute, and spoke the words aloud, I awoke in my apartment. I instantly sat up in my bed and thought about the girl at the coffee shop. I didn’t know why but I could feel that she had a role to play in whatever was happening in my life. I just needed to find out what her role was.