Updated: Jan 19
I think I saw him…was I imagining it? I was sitting in the coffee shop again. I could say just to enjoy coffee, but if I’m being honest it was to hopefully see him again. This time I will talk to him…not just listen to him read. Evidently, I was not as clandestine as I thought when I was sitting at the edge of my seat hanging on his every word. But I swear he was in his car outside the coffee shop, sitting there. I think he must have seen me…
I was at the counter by the window, he had to have seen me.
That’s why he didn’t come in. I freaked him out! Now I will never get a chance to talk to him!
Returning to my apartment, feeling defeated, the only thing I can do is figure out what I know.
What can I remember of what he read aloud? If I don’t have access to hear more, at least I have some of what he wrote in my memory. But if I’m honest, it wasn’t just his words.
His presence, his words, his voice, he drew me into his space without me knowing it. I was captivated.
To feel closer to him, I purchased a book to write my thoughts, just to record what I remember of what he said. What can I recall…
“Nothing of this world is as it seems. The beauty, the pain. The absolute confidence in one’s choices, the confusion.
We are collectively, children.
Some more so than others, but all infantile none-the-less. This is why we harm after being harmed. Why we lie and cover. This is why we are prone to the ways of the unwise, despite the confessions of wisdom.
None but the dead have known enlightenment. All of the living have ascended. These two universal absolutes are the portals through which the infantile enter into maturity. Only then to be reminded once more of the fact that they are children.”
These words, truths, have played in my mind over and over. The premise that we are all children is profound in that we do lie to cover and harm after being harmed. If you watch a child when they think something will produce a displeasing consequence they will try to cover the situation so that it does not come to pass. If they are hit their automatic response is to hit back.
As “adults” we do this warfare in both physical and emotional planes.
I want to know more. I need to hear more from him. I really need to be in his presence again. This is so strange. I have not felt this strong about ANYTHING in my life before.
I really wish he had come into to coffee shop today. I will not miss an opportunity to be next to him when I see him again. I will go up to his car and knock on the window if I get that chance…please let me get that chance!!!!