(6) FACE EVERYTHING. FEAR NOTHING.

It’s been a few weeks now and most of my time has been spent trying to control my emotions. Some days it’s easy to do, as not much happens in my life anyway. Other days it’s almost impossible. Those are the days when I remember that this place is a prison planet for fallen beings, and for some reason I can see them.

I can see these celestial creatures in my mind, in other people, and even in the world around me. I sense their presence and the energy they produce. I wish that wasn’t the case but it is. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a curse. Maybe someone in my bloodline made some type of agreement with these cast out entities and in doing so gave them a right to me and my space.

The whole thing has caused me to be very emotional. I‘ve been feeling a lot of fear and don’t really understand how to process it. As I thought about it, I waited for him to speak. I figured he would have some type of disrespectful statement to make but he didn’t. For days he’s been silent. I’m not sure why, but it was causing me to feel extremely anxious. I guess I should just be thankful for life in general and stop worrying so much about everything.

“You can at least go in and get her name.”

Thinking about all the drama that was going on in my mind, and trying to convince myself not to worry about it wasn’t working on it’s own. I needed help, and although I hated that I had become addicted to what I knew would help, I still craved it. Coffee. Simple and plain, I needed some coffee.

I decided to drive to my favorite spot and relax for an hour or so. The atmosphere there was always chill, and the people were easy to be around. As I pulled up to the cafe the first thing that I saw was her.

“There she is. Just who I wanted to see.”

I knew she would get his attention. This demon hasn’t whispered a single word in over a week and now he speaks. I sat in the parking lot watching her through the window for what felt like hours. She was beautiful. I wanted to tell her that but decided that it wasn’t smart to drag her into my situation. I tried to force myself to ignore the fact that she was in the shop but I couldn’t. I guess I wasn’t going to be having a cup of my favorite coffee after all.

“You can at least go in and get her name.”

The wicked one continued to speak about her as I drove away. I tried to block him out but he knew how attracted to her I was, and he was doing all that he could to exploit it.

“I knew what I had to do. I just needed to focus on doing it.”

The drive home was very lonely and confusing. On the one hand, I felt like it was best that I not deal with the girl at the coffee shop at all. On the other hand, what if she was someone that could bring positivity into my life? If she could it would be worth the effort that it would take someone like me to get to know her. I just needed to be honest from the beginning about what I dealt with, otherwise she wouldn’t understand my life.

As I pulled up to my apartment, I continued to consider what it would take to actually let someone into my space. However, that consideration was abruptly canceled as the wicked one manifested once again. At that point, I wasn’t really all that happy about not getting my coffee, and even more dissatisfied with having to go into isolation with this monster tethered to me.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t free myself of him. That’s when I heard a different voice tell me to be at peace. I instantly felt calmer. Something rested on me that made me feel like everything was going to be ok. The voice reminded me of the fact that I knew what I had to do. I just needed to focus on doing it.

#thebeguileonteachings #thebeguileontext #thecreatorisstillspeaking